So, now I have opened an Etsy shop! This will make buying and selling my items so much easier. If you are interested please take a look and tell all of your friends too!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/mmotl?ref=si_shop
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Hope
I have been learning a lot lately about trusting God. To really trust Him with the deep things of my heart. It's easy for me to trust Him with things like finances and future plans. I know He is a Father that provides and I've experienced those provisions. But when it comes to my desires and the things of my heart, it's hard to trust because there is a risk of being disappointed and I don't want to get hurt or let down. When I don't trust Him with my heart, I don't hope in Him either. Hope and trust go hand in hand.
God has been in a persistant pursuit of my heart. He wants the whole thing, not just bits and pieces. In 2008, I remember during one of my quiet times with Him He asked me if I trusted Him. I said, "Yes, of course." Then He asked, "Do you believe you can trust me with your heart?" I wanted to say, yes, but was more hesitant. Then, this past December while in Thailand I got a word through someone. They said I have a sweet relationship with God, but He wants more of my heart. He's been after it for 3 years now (probably longer). He wants me to trust Him with my hopes, my dreams, and my desires and I can because He has put them in me and He is good.
I read this verse today, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope" Psalm 130:5. What does it really mean to hope in His word? I always thought of hoping in the promises that He made in the Bible and that's true, but I think it's deeper than that. I looked up what "word" meant in Hebrew and it means "speech, sayings, utterances, or words." It clicked with me when I read that because that means that the things He speaks to us personally are His words and we can hope in that!
God is a Man of His word and will keep His promises. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
I will end with a little food for thought from, Amy Carmichael.
"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates."
God has been in a persistant pursuit of my heart. He wants the whole thing, not just bits and pieces. In 2008, I remember during one of my quiet times with Him He asked me if I trusted Him. I said, "Yes, of course." Then He asked, "Do you believe you can trust me with your heart?" I wanted to say, yes, but was more hesitant. Then, this past December while in Thailand I got a word through someone. They said I have a sweet relationship with God, but He wants more of my heart. He's been after it for 3 years now (probably longer). He wants me to trust Him with my hopes, my dreams, and my desires and I can because He has put them in me and He is good.
I read this verse today, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope" Psalm 130:5. What does it really mean to hope in His word? I always thought of hoping in the promises that He made in the Bible and that's true, but I think it's deeper than that. I looked up what "word" meant in Hebrew and it means "speech, sayings, utterances, or words." It clicked with me when I read that because that means that the things He speaks to us personally are His words and we can hope in that!
God is a Man of His word and will keep His promises. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
I will end with a little food for thought from, Amy Carmichael.
"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates."
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
What Wondrous Love
As a part of Holy Week, my pastor has been posting daily meditations about the events leading up to Jesus' death. They have been so good to read and to be able to reflect on Christ's sufferings. In Philippians 3:10 it says, "that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." It is through sharing in his sufferings that we can know Him in a new and deeper way.
Today's reflection was about betrayal. Jesus was betrayed in many ways that last week: by Judas- who was the one who turned Him in, by His disciples in the garden who couldn't stay awake to pray with Him, and by Peter- who denied even knowing Him 3 times. This was Jesus' weakest time, a time where He needed His closest friends to support and comfort Him, but instead they all left Him. Being fully human, Jesus felt all of the emotions and hurt that comes with being betrayed by those closest to you, but He never responded out of that hurt. He always responded out of love. He greeted Judas as "friend" in the garden, He healed the soliders ear that Peter cut off, and He asked His Father to forgive those who had beaten, mocked, and tortured Him. I can't comprehend this kind of Love, but it's beautiful and it compels me to love like this. But that is hardly ever my response. I like to play the victim, have people feel sorry for me, and hold a grudge for awhile. There isn't freedom in that though, there is freedom in loving. There is also great risk in loving. There is the risk of being rejected or not receiving love back. But it's comforting to know that Jesus has been there too and continued to love in spite of the rejection and abandonment.
I am overwhelmed by His love and gentleness today and my prayer is that He would give me a heart like His, to love like Him.
Here is the link to the meditations
http://worldarena.tumblr.com/
Today's reflection was about betrayal. Jesus was betrayed in many ways that last week: by Judas- who was the one who turned Him in, by His disciples in the garden who couldn't stay awake to pray with Him, and by Peter- who denied even knowing Him 3 times. This was Jesus' weakest time, a time where He needed His closest friends to support and comfort Him, but instead they all left Him. Being fully human, Jesus felt all of the emotions and hurt that comes with being betrayed by those closest to you, but He never responded out of that hurt. He always responded out of love. He greeted Judas as "friend" in the garden, He healed the soliders ear that Peter cut off, and He asked His Father to forgive those who had beaten, mocked, and tortured Him. I can't comprehend this kind of Love, but it's beautiful and it compels me to love like this. But that is hardly ever my response. I like to play the victim, have people feel sorry for me, and hold a grudge for awhile. There isn't freedom in that though, there is freedom in loving. There is also great risk in loving. There is the risk of being rejected or not receiving love back. But it's comforting to know that Jesus has been there too and continued to love in spite of the rejection and abandonment.
I am overwhelmed by His love and gentleness today and my prayer is that He would give me a heart like His, to love like Him.
Here is the link to the meditations
http://worldarena.tumblr.com/
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Getting you up to speed
I have had a few people mention that they would like to see me update my blog a little more regularly so that they can keep up on what is happening. So, here is a little life update.
Just in the past month God has made clear the next step I am to take. Since coming back from Thailand I have desired to return and several options and ideas were swirling in my mind, but I was not getting the green light from God to pursue any of those options. At least any of the options that would get me to Thailand soon. He has opened up the door for me to go ahead and do the Church Planting Training School through my church here in Omaha, WayPoint. I'm really excited about doing the school because of the training that I'll receive and just the awesome people that I will get to know. The school will start in September and go to the end of January. Then, the whole month of February everyone in the school will go on a trip together. We don't know where yet, but somewhere overseas. The purpose of that trip is to go out all together and put into practice the things that we learned in the school and come alongside people who have been on the field for awhile and learn from them as well. We will also get to see how we work within our teams in real life situations and conflicts, but will be able to come back and process about what worked, what didn't, and what needs to change. After returning from that short term trip, the plan is then for me and my potential team to be sent to Thailand for a minimum of 2 years. I don't really know what it is all going to look like at this point, but I'm ok not knowing all of the details. God will work them out at the right time.
As I wait to start the school I am going to continue nannying, but will start this week helping out the guy in charge of putting this whole school together. I will be in charge of planning our trip down to World Mandate (a missions conference put on by Antioch Community Church in Waco, TX whom we are affiliated with), helping plan the 5 week trip, and also helping in the process of getting our non-profit status as a sending agency. I'm not really sure what I'm getting myself into, but I know that I am going to learn a lot and gain some good experience.
Just in the past month God has made clear the next step I am to take. Since coming back from Thailand I have desired to return and several options and ideas were swirling in my mind, but I was not getting the green light from God to pursue any of those options. At least any of the options that would get me to Thailand soon. He has opened up the door for me to go ahead and do the Church Planting Training School through my church here in Omaha, WayPoint. I'm really excited about doing the school because of the training that I'll receive and just the awesome people that I will get to know. The school will start in September and go to the end of January. Then, the whole month of February everyone in the school will go on a trip together. We don't know where yet, but somewhere overseas. The purpose of that trip is to go out all together and put into practice the things that we learned in the school and come alongside people who have been on the field for awhile and learn from them as well. We will also get to see how we work within our teams in real life situations and conflicts, but will be able to come back and process about what worked, what didn't, and what needs to change. After returning from that short term trip, the plan is then for me and my potential team to be sent to Thailand for a minimum of 2 years. I don't really know what it is all going to look like at this point, but I'm ok not knowing all of the details. God will work them out at the right time.
As I wait to start the school I am going to continue nannying, but will start this week helping out the guy in charge of putting this whole school together. I will be in charge of planning our trip down to World Mandate (a missions conference put on by Antioch Community Church in Waco, TX whom we are affiliated with), helping plan the 5 week trip, and also helping in the process of getting our non-profit status as a sending agency. I'm not really sure what I'm getting myself into, but I know that I am going to learn a lot and gain some good experience.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Friendship at the Margins
I started reading this book today, Friendship at the Margins, by Christopher Heuertz and Christine D. Pohl. I'm not even through the introduction and there are so many things that are speaking to me, challenging me, and re-shaping my thinking. I love books that do that, paradigm shifting books. Here are a couple quotes from the book that stood out to me...
"Evangelism, and even the notion of mission itself, has sometimes been reduced to the words we share with another person, telling them about Jesus, salvation or eternal life. Words are important but they can also be cheap. If we use words and get words in response, sometimes we think we've done mission or evangelism. Ministry among poor and vulnerable people reminds us that words are rarely enough- what each of us needs is to know that we are loved by Jesus, beloved of God. Everything else flows from that."
"Mission or ministry with people who are poor or vulnerable often assumes that "our" task is to meet "their" needs. Whether their need is for the good news of Christ or for the bread and a place to sleep, we tend to think that we have the resources and they have the needs. A focus on friendship rearranges our assumptions. What if the resources they have also meet our needs? What if Jesus is already present in ways that will minister to us? What if in sharing life together as friends we all move closer to Jesus' heart?"
I'm sure I will have more thoughts and insights to come as I get deeper into the book, so we'll just leave it here for now.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I have been feeling out of sync with God for awhile now, but it didn't really hit me until today. I have been walking with Him consistently, haven't strayed or anything but something has been missing. I have been missing out on relationship and intimacy with my Father. My heart has not been delighting in Him and I have forgotten what it looks like to just be and what it means to enjoy God. There hasn't been joy in seeking Him, it has seemed more like a task than a relationship. I realized that the cause of this is that I have been seeking Him for an answer, for direction, for clarity, not for the purpose of knowing Him or letting Him love on me.
In the months leading up to Thailand and even for the couple weeks I was there my prayer has been for direction and for the next step in my future. But one day while in Thailand I was visiting a ministry called Dton Naam and the staff asked if there was anything I needed prayer for. My request was for direction and clarity during my time there... surprise, surprise. But as they were praying, one of the women got a word. She said she felt like I have a really sweet relationship with God and that He wanted to remind me that I am His Beloved Daughter. She also said that I have captured God's heart but He wants more of mine. What I didn't see in that moment was that God was inviting me to fellowship and intimacy with Him, reminding me of my position as Daughter and that it is ok to just be. I don't always need to be doing or serving. He cares for me and my heart is valuable to Him and He wants to be with me too. And when I enter deeper into that relationship He reveals Himself more and the direction I was so desperately looking for comes. A quote from a devotional that I read really hits head on,
"Bring me all that puzzles thee. Many questions need no answer, for when the heart is at one with the Father, there comes an illumination of Spirit which transcends thought. Understanding becomes a state of heart rather than an achievement of the mind."
Along with this relationship stuff I have been thinking a lot about God's will and His will for the individual. Every time I come to this topic I am reminded of something my pastor said. He said, "God's will is not a tight rope that we have to fear missing or falling off of, it is a garden for us to explore and enjoy." I think I have been walking that tightrope lately and I need to be shown the garden. God has given us the freedom to make choices and when we are walking with Him in relationship we will make choices that please Him, so I don't need to be so worried about making a "wrong choice." There is freedom and life in Him that I have been missing out on because I have been so concerned with getting an answer from Him. God did reveal many opportunities for me in Thailand, but I am not going to stress about making a right decision. In this season I am going to run hard after Him without an agenda and learn to seek Him for who He is instead of for what He can do for me or give me. I know that His Spirit will lead me in the way I should go as I press deeper into relationship.
In the months leading up to Thailand and even for the couple weeks I was there my prayer has been for direction and for the next step in my future. But one day while in Thailand I was visiting a ministry called Dton Naam and the staff asked if there was anything I needed prayer for. My request was for direction and clarity during my time there... surprise, surprise. But as they were praying, one of the women got a word. She said she felt like I have a really sweet relationship with God and that He wanted to remind me that I am His Beloved Daughter. She also said that I have captured God's heart but He wants more of mine. What I didn't see in that moment was that God was inviting me to fellowship and intimacy with Him, reminding me of my position as Daughter and that it is ok to just be. I don't always need to be doing or serving. He cares for me and my heart is valuable to Him and He wants to be with me too. And when I enter deeper into that relationship He reveals Himself more and the direction I was so desperately looking for comes. A quote from a devotional that I read really hits head on,
"Bring me all that puzzles thee. Many questions need no answer, for when the heart is at one with the Father, there comes an illumination of Spirit which transcends thought. Understanding becomes a state of heart rather than an achievement of the mind."
Along with this relationship stuff I have been thinking a lot about God's will and His will for the individual. Every time I come to this topic I am reminded of something my pastor said. He said, "God's will is not a tight rope that we have to fear missing or falling off of, it is a garden for us to explore and enjoy." I think I have been walking that tightrope lately and I need to be shown the garden. God has given us the freedom to make choices and when we are walking with Him in relationship we will make choices that please Him, so I don't need to be so worried about making a "wrong choice." There is freedom and life in Him that I have been missing out on because I have been so concerned with getting an answer from Him. God did reveal many opportunities for me in Thailand, but I am not going to stress about making a right decision. In this season I am going to run hard after Him without an agenda and learn to seek Him for who He is instead of for what He can do for me or give me. I know that His Spirit will lead me in the way I should go as I press deeper into relationship.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Beautiful Mercy
Right now the Lord is taking me through a season in the wilderness. Some of it is part of dealing with the transition of coming back from Mali, but a lot of it is Him dealing with past hurts and wounds and a lot the junk that's in my heart. As I continue in this process of discovering these wounds and the lies that they have brought with them, I am experiencing healing from those things and I see how God is preparing me for the future. He is clearing out the dross, but at the same time bringing healing and freedom to my heart that I didn't realize was as broken as it is. But brokenness isn't such a bad place to be, sure it's hard and there's even pain but I believe that God is closer in those times, or maybe it's that I draw closer to Him. Which ever way I know that God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and in these times of brokenness He can have His way in us. I find that as I empty myself, He fills me with more of Him and that is what I desire. More of Him, to know Him more and to bring Him to those that don't know Him. He's preparing me to go and will use this time to bring Him glory and to even help others in the future. You can minister much more effectively to the broken when you have been there yourself. I'm thankful for this time even though it's hard, it's lonely, and almost disturbing as I see what is in my heart. But I am experiencing His love, healing, freedom, and mercy like I never have before. Never have I felt God's love so strong in my life as He speaks to my broken heart that I am valuable and have worth in Him. His love is unconditional and steadfast and nothing can ever separate us from it. As He brings us through these seasons He is faithful to walk through them with us.
The song "Beautiful Mercy" by Laura Hackett really describes perfectly where I'm at...
There is no pitt too deep
that Jesus cannot reach
there is no sorrow too strong
that will overtake his beloved ones
And He's brought me to the wilderness
where I will learn to sing
And He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
Yes He's brought me to this wilderness
where I will learn to sing
and He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
so kind oh beautiful mercy
do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
Do what you have to do (You know the best way)
oh Beautiful Mercy
do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
do what you have to do
So I will sing
yes I will sing
even in the brokenness
I will sing
even in this loneliness
The song "Beautiful Mercy" by Laura Hackett really describes perfectly where I'm at...
There is no pitt too deep
that Jesus cannot reach
there is no sorrow too strong
that will overtake his beloved ones
And He's brought me to the wilderness
where I will learn to sing
And He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
Yes He's brought me to this wilderness
where I will learn to sing
and He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
so kind oh beautiful mercy
do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
Do what you have to do (You know the best way)
oh Beautiful Mercy
do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
do what you have to do
So I will sing
yes I will sing
even in the brokenness
I will sing
even in this loneliness
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