Hope

I have been learning a lot lately about trusting God. To really trust Him with the deep things of my heart. It's easy for me to trust Him with things like finances and future plans. I know He is a Father that provides and I've experienced those provisions. But when it comes to my desires and the things of my heart, it's hard to trust because there is a risk of being disappointed and I don't want to get hurt or let down. When I don't trust Him with my heart, I don't hope in Him either. Hope and trust go hand in hand.

God has been in a persistant pursuit of my heart. He wants the whole thing, not just bits and pieces. In 2008, I remember during one of my quiet times with Him He asked me if I trusted Him. I said, "Yes, of course." Then He asked, "Do you believe you can trust me with your heart?" I wanted to say, yes, but was more hesitant. Then, this past December while in Thailand I got a word through someone. They said I have a sweet relationship with God, but He wants more of my heart. He's been after it for 3 years now (probably longer).  He wants me to trust Him with my hopes, my dreams, and my desires and I can because He has put them in me and He is good.

I read this verse today, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope" Psalm 130:5. What does it really mean to hope in His word? I always thought of hoping in the promises that He made in the Bible and that's true, but I think it's deeper than that. I looked up what "word" meant in Hebrew and it means "speech, sayings, utterances, or words." It clicked with me when I read that because that means that the things He speaks to us personally are His words and we can hope in that!

God is a Man of His word and will keep His promises. I have to keep reminding myself of that.


I will end with a little food for thought from, Amy Carmichael.


"It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates."

What Wondrous Love

As a part of Holy Week, my pastor has been posting daily meditations about the events leading up to Jesus' death. They have been so good to read and to be able to reflect on Christ's sufferings. In Philippians 3:10 it says, "that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." It is through sharing in his sufferings that we can know Him in a new and deeper way.

Today's reflection was about betrayal. Jesus was betrayed in many ways that last week: by Judas- who was the one who turned Him in, by His disciples in the garden who couldn't stay awake to pray with Him, and by Peter- who denied even knowing Him 3 times. This was Jesus' weakest time, a time where He needed His closest friends to support and comfort Him, but instead they all left Him. Being fully human, Jesus felt all of the emotions and hurt that comes with being betrayed by those closest to you, but He never responded out of that hurt. He always responded out of love. He greeted Judas as "friend" in the garden, He healed the soliders ear that Peter cut off, and He asked His Father to forgive those who had beaten, mocked, and tortured Him. I can't comprehend this kind of Love, but it's beautiful and it compels me to love like this.  But that is hardly ever my response. I like to play the victim, have people feel sorry for me, and hold a grudge for awhile. There isn't freedom in that though, there is freedom in loving. There is also great risk in loving. There is the risk of being rejected or not receiving love back. But it's comforting to know that Jesus has been there too and continued to love in spite of the rejection and abandonment.

I am overwhelmed by His love and gentleness today and my prayer is that He would give me a heart like His, to love like Him.

Here is the link to the meditations
http://worldarena.tumblr.com/

Getting you up to speed

I have had a few people mention that they would like to see me update my blog a little more regularly so that they can keep up on what is happening. So, here is a little life update.

Just in the past month God has made clear the next step I am to take. Since coming back from Thailand I have desired to return and several options and ideas were swirling in my mind, but I was not getting the green light from God to pursue any of those options. At least any of the options that would get me to Thailand soon. He has opened up the door for me to go ahead and do the Church Planting Training School through my church here in Omaha, WayPoint. I'm really excited about doing the school because of the training that I'll receive and just the awesome people that I will get to know. The school will start in September and go to the end of January. Then, the whole month of February everyone in the school will go on a trip together. We don't know where yet, but somewhere overseas. The purpose of that trip is to go out all together and put into practice the things that we learned in the school and come alongside people who have been on the field for awhile and learn from them as well. We will also get to see how we work within our teams in real life situations and conflicts, but will be able to come back and process about what worked, what didn't, and what needs to change. After returning from that short term trip, the plan is then for me and my potential team to be sent to Thailand for a minimum of 2 years. I don't really know what it is all going to look like at this point, but I'm ok not knowing all of the details. God will work them out at the right time.

As I wait to start the school I am going to continue nannying, but will start this week helping out the guy in charge of putting this whole school together. I will be in charge of planning our trip down to World Mandate (a missions conference put on by Antioch Community Church in Waco, TX whom we are affiliated with), helping plan the 5 week trip, and also helping in the process of getting our non-profit status as a sending agency. I'm not really sure what I'm getting myself into, but I know that I am going to learn a lot and gain some good experience.