Right now the Lord is taking me through a season in the wilderness. Some of it is part of dealing with the transition of coming back from Mali, but a lot of it is Him dealing with past hurts and wounds and a lot the junk that's in my heart. As I continue in this process of discovering these wounds and the lies that they have brought with them, I am experiencing healing from those things and I see how God is preparing me for the future. He is clearing out the dross, but at the same time bringing healing and freedom to my heart that I didn't realize was as broken as it is. But brokenness isn't such a bad place to be, sure it's hard and there's even pain but I believe that God is closer in those times, or maybe it's that I draw closer to Him. Which ever way I know that God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and in these times of brokenness He can have His way in us. I find that as I empty myself, He fills me with more of Him and that is what I desire. More of Him, to know Him more and to bring Him to those that don't know Him. He's preparing me to go and will use this time to bring Him glory and to even help others in the future. You can minister much more effectively to the broken when you have been there yourself. I'm thankful for this time even though it's hard, it's lonely, and almost disturbing as I see what is in my heart. But I am experiencing His love, healing, freedom, and mercy like I never have before. Never have I felt God's love so strong in my life as He speaks to my broken heart that I am valuable and have worth in Him. His love is unconditional and steadfast and nothing can ever separate us from it. As He brings us through these seasons He is faithful to walk through them with us.
The song "Beautiful Mercy" by Laura Hackett really describes perfectly where I'm at...
There is no pitt too deep
that Jesus cannot reach
there is no sorrow too strong
that will overtake his beloved ones
And He's brought me to the wilderness
where I will learn to sing
And He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
Yes He's brought me to this wilderness
where I will learn to sing
and He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
so kind oh beautiful mercy
do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
Do what you have to do (You know the best way)
oh Beautiful Mercy
do what you have to do
Jealous Lover
do what you have to do
So I will sing
yes I will sing
even in the brokenness
I will sing
even in this loneliness
